It's been a really long while. Almost a year, I haven't been writing. I have not been feeling those little fractions of my life as what I used to do. Really swarmed with the hectic working life, which has taken me away from many things that I love, from God's countless blessings I used to be overhelmed with.

I miss those moments of appreciating The Majestic Him and His Beauty, of praising His All-Around Divine Bounty, and of being annihilated by His Love and Mercy. I really miss that.

The Wind is currently blowing me again, carrying me to a destination I know nothing about. As much as I want to know where it is carrying me, as much as I want to know where I'm gonna land next, It seems to always change its direction, carrying me to a place I've never thought of before.

The Strong but Subtle Wind begun in August, when I went back to my home country and town without being planned much earlier. I didn't think I would go back at that time. I felt peculiar with the fact that I suddenly went back; I thought God has some things planned for me during this trip. True enough... He sent a guy from the past, whom I haven't met for 8 years, on my way. We knew each other only for 3 months before I had to move to another country, but we had feelings for each other. He travelled from his city to see me in Jakarta; we talked for 5 hours. I did my prayers after that, asking God if he's the right one for me. And the Answer was NO. Though some of my dreams did show that he loved me, most of my dreams gave me warnings about him. Strangely, on the airplane that took me back to Jakarta, I met a pious old man who told me that this guy was not the one for me; he's not good enough for me.

This same old man also predicted that the right man for me is tall, white and working in the bank. He also said that this man has known me for a while, but has been observing me or monitoring my well-being from the perimeter. He has not got into my circle yet. The old man said that this man will present himself to me within these two months, which means within September and October. He also said that the marriage would be in 2008. No one has exactly suited his descriptions of the Mr. Right. Nevertheless, perhaps those descriptions are symbolic. Perhaps I should not take it literally.

Two more guys, whom I have/had crushed for, are brought in front of me. One is 4 years younger than me, whom I've kinda liked since he was in his 17 or 18 but i kinda pushed the feeling away knowing that he's still very young. The other was 4 years older than me, whom i had a crush for when he was a superior in my company. Can't you see how nice God's planned to send people to me: 4 years younger and 4 years older?!

If God allows me to choose, I would choose the younger one cuz although he thinks he's not ready, especially financially, i truly believe in the blessings that would come upon us and our family if we are united. If I'm allowed to choose, I would only go out with the younger one.

But God knows what's best for me. Perhaps, the young man is sent to my way for a purpose other than marriage. Perhaps, we are supposed to teach each other. Besides, from what I know of him, he's similar to me in many ways.

So, as much as I only want to go out with this beautiful young man, I still have to try going out with the 30-year old guy knowing that there's a possibility that he might be the one for me. He's not a muslim though. It's gonna be tough for me I guess.

We'll see. I am really trying my best to be as objective as possible, not to fall deeply to any of them at this moment. I know that there's a possibility that one or both may break my heart again. Or perhaps I should say... I break my heart myself. It's never been anyone else's fault if I'm hurt; it's always been my own fault. Or perhaps... God just loves me more and He wants me not for anyone but Himself. Wallahu'alam. Well... October has not ended yet. Another guy might come on my way.

Oh ya... I'm too excited sharing about the guys sent into my life that I forgot that in fact, The Strong but Subtle Wind also brings a beautiful breeze from the North, from the place of my beloved Mawlana, whom I dreamt of visiting all this while. At one point, I stopped dreaming of being able to visit him since financially I'm supporting three people who live in three different places, including myself. But really... God works wonder. When I'm not at all thinking about it, somehow an Invitation from Above was sent to my door. My close friends are sponsoring my flight to visit him. It's really amazing. I couldn't even say my gratitude in words.

The same Wind has also pushed me to resign from my current job and and to consider moving back to my hometown.

Basically now, I don't know what I'm gonna do or where I'm gonna be. BUT one thing that i know is that...

I'm flying with the Wind now, fully aware that I'm on it without knowing where it's gonna carry me next. Insya Allah, if God wills, everything is going to be fine  I just hope God will always guide me cuz I'm nothing without Him.

you know something... sometimes I wonder why people think I'm a super good and nice young lady while I myself am aware that all the good things that come from me are God's Doings. I am fully aware that I'm not as good as they think I am. I'm fully aware that when God, through Mawlana, does not work in me, I'm nothing. So, i hope He will always send His Divine Wind to carry me and let me surrender to The Wind.