I don't know why I'm so lethargic to people, especially new people. Being married has definitely brought me lots of happiness, alhamdulillah, despite of the small glitches here and there.

My husband has been the most amazing man I've ever known, the best in characters and manners but not to forget, he's handsome too. Overall, he's the most beautiful man God has ever sent me. What more could anyone ask but a man who aspires to follow the footsteps of the Prophet (pbuh) closely? When placed according to situational context, what more could anyone ask but a man who is granted wisdom in his characters and manners? What more could anyone ask but a man of God, who returns everything he does or he faces to God? What more could anyone ask but a man who tells you stories of awliya, sahabis and anbiya to teach you lessons of God? What more could anyone ask but a man who makes you feel at home every time he talks about God? What more could anyone ask but a man who praises God in the most beautiful and unique praises?

Alhamdulillah, God has given me the best of man. I often wonder who this man actually is, what his spiritual roles are, and so on. But I remember what Mawlana used to tell me, "Things may not be necessary for me to know." So, stop being curious!

For me, the hardest test of being married is in-laws and their extended relatives. Even with my own family and relatives, I have difficulties socialising sincerely with the adults. I would usually choose to play with the kids instead of joining adults' conversations. When I first introduce to everyone, everyone's name seems to just pass through, entering my right ear and exiting my left ear. More when I know that in such extended family, the problem of one family seems to become the problem of all the relatives. The problem is openly discussed in public, with or without the consent of the related party. This unfortunately occurs in my own family too. That's why I am a bit lethargic with an additional 'big family' thingy.

May God always pulls me through. All I ask is for Him to grant me patience and sincerety in the face of all in front of me.

Sometimes, I'm insincere in my interactions with relatives although at the surface God has made me to try my best putting a smile and looking sincere. My heart is torchered.

My husband always tells me to return every thing to God, the sincerity or insincerety of mine is never mine at the first place. Every thing is from Him. Therefore, he said, "Why mustn't I be happy? It's all God's doings."

He is right definitely. To learn from him how he is always happy with God, despite all the goods and bads, is one thing I deeply intend in my marriage to him.

He told me that the heart of a true believer, of one who has not only travelled the paths of shari'ah and tariqah but also haqiqat and ma'rifah, is always the same in the face of goods or bads. Given good things makes him or her happy; given bad things does not change the happy feeling. He said "A true believer would see goods and bads as the same because they are all from God, and what come from God always good. So, why mustn't we be always happy?"

He is again right, and I definitely want to be happy. Insya Allah, God-willing, I'm learning from him, from the one who is always happy. Ameen.